Holding Fast and Staying Quiet
It feels like a while since I've really written posts here. I've shared #collaboreads reviews and Five Finds Friday round-ups and such, but I haven't really poured my heart out or shared serious thoughts here.
I've been writing more than ever, but in journals instead. One that's mine, full of thoughts and prayers and lists and doodles and all the things I don't say anywhere else. One that's letters for someone else, because sometimes, I can write in a letter what I can't figure out how to say on a phone call. One that's for a future maybe person, full of prayers about the possibility he might exist somewhere in this world. Another that's for things I'm thankful for, short and sweet and adding up to 1,000 eventually.
I keep writing about the woods. I feel like I'm in the middle of them in a lot of ways. I don't feel like I can talk about that here, because it's not just about me. I'm not the only one in these woods, and while that should be a comfort, it's actually more of a challenge. Navigating relationships and feelings and differences in personalities isn't easy. There's no clear path through or out of this place.
All I have is trust in a faithful God.
There aren't pretty words to wrap around messy seasons like this. There's just silence, both personally and on this blog, and there's a lot of processing, freewriting, letter-writing, and praying.
I know this season won't last forever. I know there's no hurt that our Healer can't redeem. I know there's no relationship too broken or person to far gone to be restored and reconciled. I know there's always new mercy in the morning and grace in abundance for us all. I know there's strength in my weakness. I know He's doing new things. I know He's making ways in the desert and streams in the wasteland. I know He has always been faithful and always will be, too.
It's all I can do to hold tight to hope and hold fast to Jesus. Right now, that looks like a whole lot of quiet and stillness and writing for my eyes only and selah, He is still good.