If you've been around here for any real length of time, you probably know that I've said this before.
I know, I know. I've tried, and I've failed.
So why try again?
I don't like being addicted to my phone. I once wrote a list of the 100 things I'd rather hold than my phone... yet I still hold my phone quite a bit. Too much.
I don't like comparing myself to others.
I don't like judging others by what they share online.
I don't like that I can spend minutes, hours, whole days of my life scrolling mindlessly, when I could be out there really living.
I don't like that I feel caught up in the pressure to post, to perform, to put on a show, to present everything in my life just perfectly so I can get likes. I don't like caring about the numbers.
We've been talking in our book club for "You Are Free" by Rebekah Lyons about how we so often look to the world, to people, to friends, etc, for affirmation and approval and attention, and we make it an idol over the Lord. Goodness, if that isn't true. Even when I'm instagramming about the hard things in my life, I'm still putting it out there and checking on the likes and seeing who commented and just caring about the response... it's not healthy.
That's the truth of the matter: I'm not handling social media in a healthy way. It isn't a bad thing at the core, but I have made it an idol, and I have chosen it over things that truly bring life.
Things have got to change.
I have to be on social media for work, and I run quite a few accounts, so I'll still be engaging with the platforms, just differently. But, I've already logged out of my own accounts, deleted the apps, and let people know I won't be back on for a while.
I don't know how long I'll be gone. I don't know if I'll come back, or when, or what it will look like when I do. I don't really know.
I just know I don't want to be addicted to these things any longer. I want to break the habit. I want to quiet the noise. I want to focus on Christ and not comparison. I want to put my Lord on the throne of my heart and let go of all the idols I've put in His place. I want to simplify. I want to slow down. I want to see what's around me instead of looking down at a screen. I want to notice, to engage, to be intentional, to be fully present, to be purposeful. I just want a break from it all.
It's been about 5 days without it all so far, and I can honestly say I haven't missed it much. I went to my cousin's wedding this past weekend, and instead of staring through my phone to get the perfect shot for Instagram, I just took it all in with my eyes. I wasn't scrolling, I was present. Even in the 20+ hours I was in the car driving down to GA and back, I wasn't looking down at my phone, but looking out the window, listening to audiobooks, napping, and just generally being more aware of the world around me than I would have been otherwise. It feels like progress. It feels weird, too, don't get me wrong, but a good, necessary kind of weird.
I'll be here writing. I'll be on The Rising writing. I'll be creating things for work and sharing them on our platforms. I'll be available, just not quite as easily accessible.
I'm really excited.
I need this.
See you when I see you, social media.