I never want to forget...
As life rushes on, I never want to forget...
...The first night that finally felt like winter, and sliding the wide window above my bed open to let the chill fall over me as I slept. Bundled up in a tangled mess of blankets, I slept better that night than I had in weeks. I can count on one hand the number of times I turned the heat on in that apartment of mine...being cold at night has always been my preference.
...The night that rain came crashing down with an anger that whipped branches from the trees, and standing on my balcony to watch it all. Just barely covered by the roof above me, rain still reached my feet and misted my face. I didn't want to stay inside, barricaded away from it all. I wanted to encounter the storm and see it all for myself, watching the rain's wild dance in the light of the lampposts in front of me.
...The night I collapsed on the couch, crying until my stomach hurt and my head throbbed and the box of tissues was empty. The emptiness felt so real that night. I didn't know I could miss someone so much.
...Cooking the same batch of triple ginger cookies three times in my temperamental oven, failing at first and eventually perfecting them (meaning my friends were surprised to find they were totally gluten-free and vegan-- SUCCESS.)
...Coming to the realization that I'm happy on my own without a relationship to rest on. Looking back at my life and realizing how much time I spent on relationships spurred me to into a season of fully embracing and enjoying being single. I now know I don't need a someone just for the sake of not being alone. I'm a someone too, and I've realized I'm the someone I want to spend my time focusing on right now.
...The swelling feeling in my heart when I get to experience someone pouring their heart out into their passions. A band before me on a foggy stage, giving everything they have to the music they play in perfect harmony together. A team before me on a bright green turf field, bodies acting and reacting quicker than I can take in, every fiber on fire as they chase the win. A writer spilling honest words from the depths of their soul onto a page I get to have and hold and soak up.
...We are all on journeys. Sitting around a table with women seeking Jesus for the first time for real...sitting around a living room with friends all laughing at unruly board games...sitting across the table from two new friends...sitting on the floor surrounded by a million Lego pieces...we are all on journeys. I want to always be full of enough grace to cover that fact. We will never all be at the same place. We will never all see eye to eye. We will never always agree or get along or like each other. I want to give grace big and sweet and amazing enough to cover that in every way.
...This life is so good. Even on the twelfth snow day, even in the bitter cold, even on the fifth day of a migraine, even when I can't sleep, even when friends let me down, even when things fall apart...this life is so good. I want to always be abundantly grateful for the gift of this life.
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