When The Expectation Is Perfection
September 29, 2015
I remember when I was younger having this crazy argument with my mom. I was crying, she was upset, and all I could seem to shout at her was “I can’t be perfect like you want me to be!” I was exploding with emotion and frustration because I was so deeply aware of the ways I had fallen short of this standard of perfection I felt was in front of me.
Yes, my parents had high hopes and expectations of me. They never expected perfection (clearly it isn’t achievable), but that’s how I perceived it all. Time and time again, I fell short. Time and time again, I felt like a failure, a letdown, unworthy of their love and like I should be cast away from the family. It was one of those fights my mom and I had often as I grew up and wrestled with the ways that I messed up or didn’t succeed or stumbled.
An overachiever myself, I think I took the high expectations my parents established, viewed them through my own lens of wanting to impress and perform and achieve, and was left with an impossible goal of total blameless perfection.
But I failed. A million times over.
And it broke me, hurt me, made me feel totally useless.
That’s what happens when we live with a standard of perfection—we fail, we fall short, and then we don’t feel worthy of love and we feel like we should be cast away from the family.
Good news, overachievers! The standard before us isn’t perfection. We were never expected to nail this whole life thing. A Savior came to be perfect in our place. He came to take that on Himself, show us He’s the only one capable, and put a standard of grace before us.
That’s freeing to me in the best way. I’ll never stop trying to be the best I can be.
Side note: Just because Jesus was the perfect, holy Savior and just because we are broken, imperfect sinners doesn’t mean we are off the hook and given a free pass at life. It’s a huge waste of grace and we totally miss the point if we just recklessly live like we please and expect that we’ll be forgiven and it will all be forgotten in the end. Yes, grace is boundless. Yes, forgiveness is endless. But just because we CAN do whatever our little selves please doesn’t mean we SHOULD, especially when such a sacrifice was made for us to have life to the fullest. Shouldn’t we strive to live in a way that brings glory and honor to our Savior and King? Shouldn’t we strive to reflect His love and His character in all that we do? Shouldn’t we strive to live as much like He did, even in our sinful humanity? Let’s not abuse the grace so freely given to us.
I’ll never not be an overachiever with high expectations for myself, but I know that I will always fall short of the glory of God. I will always mess up and stumble. The beauty of it all comes in knowing that when I do fail, I am still worthy of love. I am still part of the family—I won’t be cast out because I’ve fallen short. I’ll be wrapped up in more love, embraced with more grace, and drawn closer to the heart of the Father who made me and knows me.
The expectation isn’t perfection for us. Our Creator is yearning for intimacy with us—all of our brokenness coming into all of his holiness as He covers our shortcomings with grace.